I Am Now Engaged

I asked Simiao to marry me on Sunday morning after breakfast, and she said yes!  This is really important to me, but at the same time not particularly surprising.  We'd been together for 3 years, 1 month and 1 day by her count.  I'd consulted with her about her favorite designs and stones when ring shopping.  We'd talked about a future together.  By the time I asked her, her answer was a foregone conclusion.

 You wouldn't have known that from how nervous I felt going in.  When I was on my way to the airport to pick her up, and when I was driving up to The Inn on Orcas Island for our weekend getaway, I couldn't drive at a constant speed because my feet were shaking nervously.  I didn't sleep at all the night before, and if I did start to doze, I had nervous dreams like this one:

An actual dream I had the night before I proposed to Simiao.  Proof that my imagination hates me.

Finally, at breakfast, I couldn't finish the delicious eggs Florentine and my hands were shaking badly enough that I could not hold my teacup steady.  I did have the clever idea to wait until the end of the meal to propose because I didn't want Simiao to cry and ruin her makeup and have to sit through the meal that way, and it's good that I did because no sooner did I take the box out of my pocket than she started to cry.  Her crying made me forget exactly what I wanted to say, which I had carefully rehearsed about a thousand times.

What I intended to say.

What was actually said.

Simiao, do you remember what I said I wanted from a relationship when we first met? I said I wanted compromise, patience, and reciprocity.   You gave me all of those things. On top of that, you are generous,  brilliant, hardworking honest, loving, adventurous, and every day you challenge me to be a better person and a better partner. I love you, and if you feel the same way, then will you marry me?

Sweetheart, don't cry yet, I haven't even started! Simiao, do you remember what I said I wanted from a relationship when we first met?I said I wanted compromise, patience, and reciprocity.   [Hug break] You gave me all of those things. On top of that you are generous, brilliant, ... and a bunch of other things I can't remember right now because I'm so nervous... every day you challenge me to be a better person and a better partner. I love you, and if you feel the same way, then will you marry me?

Thankfully, she forgave me for forgetting my lines and said "Yes" anyway.

Actually, I think the hardest part of the road to engagement was coming to a better understanding of love.  A long time ago I was at a friend's bachelor party and he was having a conversation with a much, much older gentleman.  The older gentleman was talking about how lucky my friend was to be in love his fiancee.  The older gentleman related that he had never actually loved his wife who he had been with for decades and with whom he had several children.  The possibility that this could actually happen to a person was terrifying to me, and because of this I spent years carefully examining every romantic relationship I had:  Do I actually love this person?  How do I know if I actually love this person?  What if this feeling isn't actually love?  What if I love someone else more?  How do you even compare that?  This is a fruitless line of thought.

The table where I proposed to Simiao.  The best thing about this table was that since I was facing away from the rest of the room, I didn't have to see their eyes on me.

I've heard it said that people spend a lifetime looking for the feeling they get the first time they fall in love.  I've come to believe that this is indeed true.  People also spend a lifetime looking for the feeling they get the second time, the third, the fourth, et cetera.  I have learned that every person you ever love, be it your parents, your brother, your best friend, or a romantic interest, you will love in a different, unique and irreplaceable way.  Thankfully, loving one person romantically isn't mutually exclusive with loving any number of people Platonically.  Your family will still be there, your friends will still be there, and your partner will understand that it is not necessary or desirable that you should share every single hobby and interest and that these other people are an essential part of your life as well.  This simple realization quieted my concerns about whether the way I felt about Simiao was right and let me instead focus on why, as I should have been all along.